I know I've been really rant-y lately. So I'll make a cheerier post today!

So I was having a crappy day of people being generally incompetent and uncooperative (that's what you get for being Editor-in-Chief of a school newspaper, you know? But it's okay. I expected it.) And I got to my next class and just started realizing how superficial and misinformed my peers are. It made me lose a lot of faith in original thought (or at least, attempt at original thought). I also felt really behind in the class because it is, after all, and AP class and personally feel that we should be learning a lot more pertaining specifically to the AP test, but it just wasn't happening.

But then I had lunch with a middle school boy that was new to my school and ended up regaining some hope in my generation. It was just an overall pleasant experience. It was an oasis of literacy in a land of YOLO. He's in 7th grade and was reading Lord of the Rings and The Looking Glass Wars and spoke so formally. True, he wasn't the most socially skilled person in the world. But in a society filled with people vying for the spotlight, it was so nice to experience someone comfortable in their own skin--caring more about epic adventures of ink on paper than meeting a girlfriend and being the most popular person ever.

Some of my friends say I'm a bit too obsessed with this boy (whose name I won't mention, for obvious reasons). However, I think it's because it's one of those you-have-to-experience-it type of things. I guess if I want to get really psychological with this, I'd say I'm so intrigued by him because he is just this exaggerated manifestation of my own introversion as a middle schooler new to the school. By sitting with him and speaking to him, I feel as if I'm connecting with a side of myself that I've continually shoved down my own throat so that I would be liked.

I, believe it or not, was an introvert before coming to the school. For the most part, I found the entire OCSA adjustment to be a terrifying and emotionally exhausting experience. But I forced myself to shine with the same light that other members of my class emitted as best I could so I could make a name for myself here. Alliances, Allies, Friends, Peers, Comrades, Acquaintances--I needed them all. And being quiet and reading Harry Potter was not going to get me anywhere (or so I believed as a middle schooler).

Put simply: I see fragments of myself in this boy if not new, improved fragments of what I could've been. When I look in his eyes, I know he doesn't seek to throw himself at everyone's face. He is at peace with himself and his existence here. As far as I can tell, the ladder to popularity isn't even acknowledged. Or if it is, it's not priority.

Some of my friends think I'm really creepy for wanting to use everything I can to make him feel comfortable and wanted. However, I don't think it's creepy at all (well, perhaps only just a little). The reason being that upon closer self introspection, I think I care about him so much despite not knowing all too much about him because

1. I've already idealized him. This part's obvious and easy to guess.
2. Since I see him as part of my 7th grade self, I guess I feel a sense of duty to comfort my younger self here at OCSA before I leave. I want to make peace with that side of me before I leave this place and I think that being with him and being his companion would ease that side of me that still seeks so much attention. I felt so calm and serene with him there, like I didn't even need to try.

We spoke of conservatory and briefly about the book he was reading (as I had read it when I was about his age) and he was just so eloquent. Curt, but eloquent. And although there were moments of silence in which he read his book and I finished up an email I had to send, it was so comfortable (for me anyway, haha). It was as if we'd known each other for a while and didn't mind each others' presence. I mean, we weren't ecstatic and delighted to be in each other's presence. It was more so that we found a different kind of calm in that silence.

I can't exactly describe how valuable our conversation was to me. He was Memoirs of a Geisha in a sea of Stephenie Meyer fanfiction. He was, "Hello. How are you doing today?" in a land of, "Hi (: wat r u doin?"

And I'm not trying to say that people who don't read LotR for fun are dumb shams of people (after all, I myself have yet to read the LotR series), but it was just so refreshing to see someone so fresh, pure, and so different from anything I'd seen at this school in a long time. Seeing him makes me smile and remember that there are still thoughtful, genuine people in the world that don't necessarily consider it top priority to seek the validation of others.

The same validation that I sought so desperately. Everything I see in him that reminds me of me makes me even happier that he's not showing signs of my own 7th grade self--with paranoia and desperation swimming in my eyes. His eyes are relaxed, calm, and so much older beyond his years.

In short, my day after that has been fantastic. My only regret is that I have yet to see him smile or laugh. I'd really like to see it before I graduate, because even if he is comfortable with who he is, I'd like to see him step out of his own little shell at some point (unlike me, who just ripped my shell off my back and desperately sought approval).

Overall, today was nice. Today was really nice.