I really just dislike my circumstances at school. I feel really confined here. My friends shush me and my teachers don't listen to what I have to say so I might as well just not exist. It's just so frustrating to know that you went through basically the same life lessons throughout your development (for the teachers, they've experienced even more) and yet they don't have the decency to acknowledge that perhaps your opinion has some inkling of significance despite your age.

I have to communicate with this woman on the business administration of our school and she is the most passive aggressive, annoying person ever. Just her existence angers me to no end. She won't let me speak to Dante Basco directly and everything I ask her to ask him, she speaks on his behalf. She isn't even his agent. And I'm also 99% sure that she is just a power hungry bitch because she refuses to tell me why she has set a certain time for the event. She probably set it herself. I bet you if I asked her why Dante Basco had to start so early, she'd have nothing to say. I'm just going to write an angry letter now.

Dear Elizabitch,

You are the most immature woman I have ever met. Don't think that just because you're on some advisory board at my school that your life has more meaning than mine. Honestly, I have so much more potential than you do. Where did you even graduate from? Do you even surround yourself with educated people or is it just a hobby to make small talk with others?

Yeah, you created a Facebook page for all the OCSA alumni. Oh goodie for you! Look at you go, so organized and tech savvy! Please. I could make a Facebook page and have people like it. It's not that hard. Your, "greatest achievement" in your position right now could be performed by a teenager. How about that? And you know what else? I'm going to move on in life to create much better things than a shitty Facebook page that no one really pays attention to because all you posting is fucking MUSIC AND THEATRE achievements as if you can't get over the fact that the highest point of your life was during high school when you could act like you were someone you were not. I wouldn't judge you for that, though. I wouldn't want to be you, either. After all, I surpass you in maturity, professionalism, and intelligence. At just 17 years of age, at that.

You're probably the person who stops by homeless people on the street not to give them money, but to lecture them about their poor life choices and how they should really get a job because your money is hard earned. People like you make me inexplicably angry. Even just ranting about your ugly personality makes me angry. You are such a passive aggressive bitch. You need to educate yourself because OCHSA's education back then obviously didn't match that of what it's providing now (which is still, admittedly, not that great...but they're doing something right for not producing a replica of an asswipe like you). You probably dye your hair blonde or brunette and are really vain about dying the roots every month or so. Don't forget to continue that well into your old age because soon you're hair will just be gray! I hope your skin withers and no longer produces enough collagen to stay elastic and attached to your facial muscles. I hope you get botox and have it horribly botched so that you can only smirk with the left side of your mouth.

I know that you're probably coming to terms with the fact that looks fade and that power is the only thing you can really hold onto into old age (no matter how miniscule), but you need to reassess your behavior and correct it because at this point, if I were to find you on the streets in a few years when I've surpassed any life aspiration you could ever hope to achieve, I'd just smile at you and move on. You are speaking to someone who has the capacity to become ten times what you are now and the fact that you can't respect and foster that potential is disappointing, rude, and makes me nauseous.

I hope one day you realized that you fake bitchy attitude isn't going to get you anywhere. I don't even know how you got into this position. I know you were in Music and Theatre in the past. Perhaps you're really good at acting the part of a well informed person. Or perhaps you're just excellent at fellatio.

You make me sick,
Judy

Posers really bother me. In some ways, yes: everyone is a poser. But some of us are a lot more open in our poser-dom. Those are the ones that bother me.

If I'm not that into a fandom, no matter how well liked I'd be if I were, I'm not going to pretend that I know everything about it because that's just disrespectful to those that are really dedicated to it. Yeah, there are moments when I ask questions to fans but I do it out of genuine curiosity and that's not really, "poser" in my opinion, anyway. I'd personally rather have someone ask me a question about a fandom that I'm into rather than pretend to know more than me or even as much as me.

I'm going to branch off from the general and get more specific because this is my blog and this is obviously about a certain instance that triggered this post. I also don't feel like being passive aggressive in my own domain, so I'll be semi-aggressive. I shall call her Witch.

Witch is known by my peers as that one smart, beautiful girl who also happens to be uber cool since she is a fan of series' like Harry Potter and Avatar: The Last Airbender and it pisses me off to no end because she is SUCH A POSER.

I don't even say this a blind accusation either, mind you. I've made multiple references to her two "most beloved fandoms"(which conveniently happen to be the exact ones I am a part of) and she has gotten NONE OF THEM. Okay, to give credit where it's due, she got one of them after I spent another minute explaining what the reference was and why it was funny.

They weren't even vague obscure references, either. I've mentioned them to people who have only basic knowledge of the fandom and they still get it! I was just so angry that she could claim that she was a true fan and CONVINCE dumbass peers of mine that she is a true fan when she is obviously being an obnoxious poser.

For Halloween I was Avatar Kyoshi from Avatar: The Last Airbender and although she had a generic costume, after hearing people compliment my homemade Kyoshi outfit, she claimed that she was "originally going to be Korra from Avatar: The Last Airbender". And that PISSED ME OFF because:

1. Then why weren't you Korra? If you were a truly dedicated fan, you'd be Korra right now.
2. Korra is from Avatar: The LEGEND OF KORRA. HENCE HER TITULAR NAME. HOW DO YOU EVEN MESS THAT UP. KORRA HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ORIGINAL GAANG.

She also dresses up in her probably $200 Gryffindor outfit every now and again and prances around claiming to be Hermione or something. She is neither Hermione, a Gryffindor, or a Harry Potter fan. I once made a sarcastic reference to it that went something like this:

Witch: Oh my gosh, are you serious?
Me: No, I'm Remus!

It was a play off of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, if you didn't get that. And even my friends who just watch the movies understand that one. WITCH JUST STARED AT ME FOR AN ENTIRE MINUTE WITH A STUPID BLANK STARE ON HER FACE.

Ugh. It just makes me so angry because people believe her when she says she's a giant-awkward-dorky-nerd when she is clearly not a fanatic of anything that merits that title in any way, shape, or form. I take it so personally because I'd like to consider myself a pretty intense fanatic of some series out there and to have the same label bestowed onto me: someone who has dedicated themselves to the series, knows more than just the basics, has created an ENTIRE CLUB FOR IT, and doesn't need to flaunt it every second of every day for social validation and attention, as it is onto some random girl who wears outfits she bought off of Amazon and probably reads the backs of books and DVD boxes for her information of the fandom.

It's like when douchebag attention whores call themselves, "nerds". No, you are not a nerd. You are an insensitive, attention-hungry child who needs constant assurance of your worth. "Nerds" are the kids in school that sit alone at lunch with a book in their laps for companionship and hide their tests when they get them back with "100%" on them so no one can see and think they're arrogant. Nerds are the kids who get scoffed at and ostracized for their intelligence. Nerds are the kids that contemplate suicide when they can't seem to break social barriers.

Nerds don't always wear glasses and they don't always have buck teeth or funny looking faces or wear suspenders. And for people who have never experienced any unnecessary form of social discomfort to claim that they are on the same level as those who had to endure years and years of pain and isolation to have a label slapped across their faces and claim to be equals disgusts me as much as posers do.

Also, "nerd" does not equal "fanatic." There is a difference between what I just described and being a giant fan of something. Sure, one can be both a nerd and a fanatic. But most cases, the self proclaimed "nerds" are just fanatics that want to share this somehow popular label of "nerd".

Admittedly, I do sometimes use "nerdy" to describe myself. But I never use it to identify myself like some people do. There is a difference. There is a difference between having, "nerdy moments" and "BEING a nerd". I don't say that, "I  AM such a nerd," but I may say that something I've done could be perceived as, "nerdy."

Anyway, my point is that Witch needs to get her shit together before she'll ever be recognized as a true fanatic in my eyes. And furthermore, she will NEVER be seen as the, "nerd" she claims to be because she is well liked and not, "socially awkward" at all.

Aaand I am not even going to touch on people using the term, "socially awkward" because that would just be my "nerd" rant with some more profanity.

I am so glad that I will never have to see Witch again after high school. I truly hope she gets into her colleges on the East Coast because I would hate to run into her again in the future.

GOOD DAY.

Boy officially recognizes me as a friendly entity!

Wow, that was a creepy way to kick off November. But anyway, yeah! Here's what happened:

> Judy waiting by lockers to go downstairs
> Judy sees flash of red bouncing around
> Judy thinks someone is dancing
> That someone is actually Boy dodging people to get to his locker
> Boy and Judy make eye contact
> Boy stops dodging

Boy: Hi.
Judy: Hello.

And that's about it. Nothing entirely fancy at all, actually. But it was the first time he initiated a conversation (no matter how brief) and it made me really happy. I hope he's learning to approach everyone this way. Or more people at least. I am so relieved to see him less tense around me and I am glad that it's no longer as evident that I scare the daylights out of him when I'm bright and chipper.

Anyway, I SUBMITTED MY COMMON APP TODAY! So now I have to wait until November 30th to get a reply from USC and Stanford regarding my Questbridge scholarship. I probably won't get anything substantial like the 4 year scholarship--but hey--might as well try, right? I wish they would get back to me sooner so I don't have to deal with all this anxiety and uncertainty! I am literally sick right now; the lack of sleep has evidently weakened my immune system. This happens almost every time I pull more than two all nighters in a row. Ahhh junior year. What a bad year for my immune system.

So yeah. In the meantime, I have my UC Apps to finish up for the 30th. I really hope I get accepted somewhere good because I would hate to be that one person that everyone expects to get somewhere good that actually ends up falling short. That would be terrible and is one of my biggest fears right now.  But I guess I'll deal with it as it comes.

Halloween was lovely! I dressed up as Avatar Kyoshi and received a buttload of compliments. I was really proud of myself for making the outfit entirely on my own (took me two weeks of hand stitching and crafting) from $15 worth of random clothes I found at a thrift store. Here I am!

Pretty awesome, eh? A pretty cool "last high school halloween costume," If I may say so myself.

I am so friggin' tired so I am going to sleep. More later.