So I already know that no one really reads my blog, so I decided that I'd start ranting about my personal life as well! Isn't that great, older Judy? You get to read my written confusion and poorly channeled anger!

I get really angry when people mock me. Not mocking in a joking way such as making fun of my obsessions or if I slipped up a word and it was worth a replay (which I am fine with), but serious sarcastic mocking with the intention of hurting me. It pisses me off to no end. When I write or speak an argument in my own words, I don't want it thrown in my face as if it were worth mocking because I'm being completely serious and often expect others to feel the same way. When someone mocks me when I'm being serious and feel strongly about something, I just absolutely hate them. I can't even tell whether they're more immature for not realizing just how childish and inappropriate they're being or I'm more immature for being offended.

I know people always say, "just ignore them and be the better person". But I can't let that go. It just holds so much disrespect when someone obviously decides to take more time mocking you than formulating their own argument and it makes them seem so stupid and childish. Not to mention (again) that it bugs the crap out of me. And the amount of bugging it does rises with how close they are to me because I have to deal with them as a part of my personal life for  a longer time than a stranger, whom I can flip off and never talk to again.

Simply put: I can't find it in myself to respect people that don't respect me. If someone thinks their argument is strengthened by mocking mine, they're both stupid, disrespectful, and obviously don't have the means to form their own ideas in a respectful and effective manner. If someone honestly wanted me to listen to them after they mocked me, tough luck to them. After someone mocks me during an argument, I am done with them. They are no longer even worth arguing with because there is now a giant gaping intellectual gap.

I hate everyone. Seriously.

Sweet Jesus, I haven't posted for a week.

I guess it's part of my Post-A:tLA-Syndrome. I feel so empty without Avatar. WHY DID IT HAVE TO END??!

I haven't lucid dreamed since last week, either. I haven't been doing anything but eating and watching How I Met Your Mother reruns. I should probably start on my summer homework but screw that I'm a senior. I can pull it off last minute.

I'M SO LAZY. I'm just a rambling mess and at least I got that volunteer thing with the lady that refused to call me for a few hours. It's mostly filing papers and such, not much excitement there...but hey, I like organizing and that kind of stuff, so it's all good.

I really hope I keep going with this blog even through times like this when I have nothing to do but ramble because it'd be nice to look back and laugh at myself when I'm older. And for the sake of other peoples' kicks as well. I hope SOMEONE finds this entertaining.

I'll start posting more legit stuff later when I'm not so sleep-deprived and depressed due to lack of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I might even do a review on the movie The Last Airbender because holy hell it was so terrible and hurt so good. Were they trolling or..? I should also post my rant about "90s kids" and also about being a, "nerd". asfgkdjhgjkadhkfafdas

ANYWAY. I'll smell you guys later, I guess.

SOMEONE HELP I CAN'T STOP DRAWING PICTURES OF ZUKO.

Also: I'm sosoosososo close to the end of Avatar: The Last Airbender! Just a few more chapters and it's all over...how depressing. But at least that means I can move into Korra and see what the fuss was about! So excited.

In honor of this great experience, I will now refer to lucid dreaming as, "dream bending".

...no giant feats of dream bending were done last night. BUT THERE WERE SOME MINOR CASES.  I'll describe the dream anyway despite its dream bending insignificance for the sake of logging it somewhere that I'll remember (which is supposed to make me a stronger dream bender).

I was given the Hilton Hotel for my birthday (well, only for a week) and so I threw a giant pool birthday bash. People were lined up outside, and I actually knew them all! It was great. Then when everything was in order, all my friends were jumping into the pool and telling me to jump in.

I was about to, but something held me back and made me decide not to jump in. This was where my minor dream bending came into play!

I realized that I wasn't wearing a swim suit under my clothes and for some reason felt the need to change into my swim suit despite probably having a week's worth of clothing in the hotel. So I went to the bathroom (because of course my swim suit would just have to magically appear in the bathroom) and on my way inside, I saw a guy that I know in real life (I'll call him, "Ron"). Ron was just sitting on a bed that was near the bathroom all lonely-like (let's just pretend there are beds in the lobby of the Hilton).

I asked him why he wasn't joining the party and he shrugged. So I shrugged too. I mean, I wasn't about to force him into the pool or anything. So I twisted the handle and was about to say something else to him, but when I turned to face him, he had suddenly gotten closer to me and the eye contact was excruciatingly awkward. I quickly ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

Then I woke up.

Again, I'm so confused. I don't know if I'm just really logical and paranoid in my dream-state as well to realize that I should put on swim gear before going in the pool, or if I controlled my rational decision.

So I'm not even sure if my dream bending is even legit. Is controlling your actions or simply being aware of the dream enough? Is it one of the two more so than the other?

How odd.

Finally got the phone call thing settled and I got the volunteering job! My interview wasn't even that long because apparently my application was strong enough to stand alone. EGO BOOSTERRR. I had been rehearsing for a more in-depth interview and was a little disappointed by how...casual it was considering this was the first time in a looooong while that I'd actually gotten up early and attempted to look publicly presentable. But whatever, I still got it!

ALSO! I THINK I HAD MY FIRST RUN-IN WITH LUCID DREAMING! Let me explain.

So, I 'm not sure if it was lucid dreaming or me waking up and making stuff up or me half asleep and making stuff up, or if that's what lucid dreaming is or whatever...but I controlled something in my dream and it was amazing! I've never experienced that before.

Anyway, since this is my blog, I guess there's no point in me lying about anything, so here goes my shady dream with my shady actions.

It was night time and I was on my way to my friend's house for no particular reason after seeing a picture she posted on Facebook. The picture was posted by another girl that I know from school (but am not close to) who I will refer to as, "Kelly". So I somehow have the skills to drive for a while until I'm in her area, but randomly decide to go to a nearby barn instead.

I meet Kelly there, who is waiting for some sort of Pony Expo (sounds cool, I know). She said she was part of the set-up team and got there a bit early. So since she had time, we decided to walk over to the nearest restaurant and grab a bite to eat. I have no idea why we didn't use the car I'd used to get there, but whatever.

So we're walking along the street in the dead of night (smart idea, always) when she starts to notice something. She asks if I hear something and I say no, I don't and begin to listen closer to hear steady footsteps.

This next part, I'm a bit ashamed of doing (even in a dream), but I completely freaked out and ran off in front of Kelly, leaving her to run a bit behind me as I ran from the footsteps. She eventually catches up and begins to get in front of me, telling me that we should head for a fork in the road and split up so he goes after the one he's looking for (another great idea generated by dream Judy). We do so, and WHADDYA KNOW I'M THE ONE HE'S AFTER.

I freak out and continue running and I can hear his footsteps begin to run faster and I'm already getting tired and no one's around to hear me scream and I was going to die there and augh it was terrible

BUT!

BUT!!!!!!!!!!

In a fit of lucid dreaming (or waking up halfway with an active imagination that somehow simulated the same situation as my dream), I found a gun lodged in the pocket of the jacket I was wearing. I stopped running, waited for the man to catch up, screamed, "You're not real," and shot at him multiple times.

He disappeared. And somehow, I ended up running right to my friend's house that I had initially intended to visit. I pulled out my phone to call her and woke up as I approached her doorstep.

It was still 5 AM and I was still on an adrenaline high, but I faintly remember being really excited before falling back to sleep.

So yeah. Not sure what it was, but I controlled my own actions for once and was AWARE of controlling my own actions in a dream world, even explicitly stating in my dream that I was aware of the dream world I had entered.

Tres cool, right?

I hate waiting for calls. I'm supposed to be receiving a call from this one place (that I'm not sure if I'm allowed to mention) regarding a volunteer opportunity. I was scheduled for an interview, but I called them back yesterday because it conflicted with my mother's schedule and they were just being more difficult than they needed to be.

So I was basically told that I'd get a call some time today about an interview I may or may not have today or tomorrow. Which, if you ask me, is not very professional at all. I suggested on multiple occasions that this be conducted as a phone interview, an option presented to prospective volunteers of another location that is also very convenient for me considering I stay home pretty much all day.

I mean, if they're emphasizing this because they want to physically see me and my hygiene/personality/whatnot, they're honestly not prioritizing their criteria. It's mostly behind the scenes clerical work, you see. Therefore, what I look like shouldn't be as important as my experience, skills, and things of the sort. I could have the ugliest haircut in existence, but if I was damn good at what I do, I'd still hire me.

I just don't understand how hard a phone interview could be. It's convenient on both parties' ends considering they're probably really busy and my mother (my only ride) is also very busy. If we're both busy, why not just call for a few minutes? I'd think they'd want to hear more about my class presidency and work with my conservatory than take a look at how clean my nails are and what kind of hairstyle I wear (which isn't part of the job description, anyway).

I shouldn't be denied an opportunity simply because my mother is unavailable at the times they set in the middle of the afternoon. The job I applied for is perfect for her schedule, early in the morning to early afternoon. That's what I'd indicated and I'd only hoped that they'd imply that perhaps those are the only times I am available for anything, really.

Anyway. That was just my mini-complaint. I'm sure it'll be resolved one way or another.

AND QUICK DREAM BLOG:

I sadly don't remember much because I'm too lazy to keep a pen and pad near my bed to write stuff down the minute I wake up (I'm also too lazy to wake up and write). But here is what I remember of last night's dreams. Well, one of many (since you're said to have up to 8 dreams per night).

My sister got preggers and it was really embarrassing for the family so she was basically banished and shunned from our family. I remember being very angry and yelling at her (which was probably not the best move for someone who just found out they're pregnant).

This is probably due to too much Avatar with the whole, "Zuko being banished from the Fire Nation". But I've also heard that people depicted as pregnant in dreams signal a new beginning with lots of opportunity (by giving birth to a new life or housing such opportunity in the womb, in a dream). So maybe I was yelling at her to let out my frustration with how successful her life seems at the moment.

She's straight out of college (magna cum laude) and currently on an international business exchange program, and when she gets back, she's already got a secure job with a gargantuan company that pays extremely well. And during my uncertainty with the upcoming college process, I can't help but feel like I have so much left to do in my life in order to prove I'm worthy of having gotten her hand-me-down-womb (sorry, mom).

Surely some of her brilliance was passed down to me? And I'll be honest, I know what largely separates us: she's not AMAZINGLY brilliant, but she uses what she has to her advantage and is a very hard worker. On the other hand, I think of myself as pretty damn witty and socially awesome. I also have some brains (which never hurt anyone)--I just don't utilize it.

In short: I'm a lazy procrastinator, she's not. And I should really change myself, but it's just how it is. She steadily works through assignments while I lounge around until I have a day left to pound out an entire essay. I suppose in terms of a real-life situation, my procrastination skills would be a lot more helpful, considering I do better under slight pressure and know how to manage my time in a short amount of time (hey, procrastination still involves a lot of time management, such as when to start working your ass off and such).

Whatever. I guess I shouldn't be comparing myself to my sister in the first place.

Alright, OCHSA kids! I got some books to sell, so you should consider buyin' them!

My mother and I decided on the prices, and I think they're pretty reasonable. But I'm willing to bargain if you think you have a good argument for lowering the price! Just shoot me a message if something catches your eye!

I won't be free to make trips all over the OC, so I'll have to get your purchase to you around the first week of school, so if you decide to buy, keep that in mind!

I will be honest with the helpfulness scale! Which indicates how much it helped me personally.

10 = Excellent! Highly recommended! A lifesaver!
9 = Great! Definitely helpful!
8 = Pretty good! 
7 = Good! You get your money's worth, that's for sure!
6 = Passible! Some parts helped, some were redundant or unnecessary.

I won't go lower than that, because...well, why would I own the book if it were less than passible?

Subject: AP Spanish - RESERVED

Brand: Pearson Prentice Hall

Edition: Third

Condition: Very few instances of underlining, some outlines on the speaking practices. Overall, very few markings.

Helpfulness: 10

Price: $7

Comments:

This comes with realistic practices, and lists of words you should know for the exam. It gave me lots of help with memorizing a few, "zinger" phrases that will impress the exam interpreters. Excellent cramming book. The only downside is that it requires you to get a master CD for the listening and speaking sections. However, you'll probably do a lot of that in your AP class anyway, so the really hard stuff (reading comprehension, writing, etc) are still present in the book!

Subject: AP Spanish

Brand: Barron's

Edition: 5th (2007)

Condition: I'd say 1/20 pages are heavily marked up. Doesn't have that new stiff workbook feel, but all the pages are intact. It's a bit dated, but still relevant.

Helpfulness: 7

Price: $10

Comments:

This was my sister's book and according to her, it helped a lot. And although I personally found the previous book more helpful, this was a really precise supplement, complete with 3 audio CDs which can be great for those who need work on their accent. 

Subject: AP U.S History

Brand: Barron's

Edition: 5th 

Condition: Quite a few notes. Circles, faint underlines, and the occasional note-to-self.

Helpfulness: 7

Price: $7

Comments:

This is one of two books. This one goes from the 1600s to 1877, so if you think you'd struggle with older stuff, this is right for you. "Topic summaries, Key terms with definitions, Reading lists, Review questions". 

Subject: AP U.S History

Brand: Barron's

Edition: 5th 

Condition: Quite a few notes. Circles, faint underlines, and the occasional note-to-self. Colored Post-it tabs (can be removed)

Helpfulness: 7

Price: $7

Comments:

Same as above, but from 1865 to 1990s. 

Subject: ACT - RESERVED

Brand: Kaplan

Edition: 2011 

Condition: LOTS of notes and writing. The occasional drawing out of boredom.

Helpfulness: 9

Price: $20

Comments:

Honestly, my ACT class consisted of filling in the blanks of this book and then doing some practice problems from it. You basically get all my class notes from this. Comes with, "quick take cheat sheets" on each subject (for cramming purposes) and a few pages in the back telling you what to do a month, a week, and a day before test day, what to bring on test day, what to eat test day, and all that jazz.

Subject: College Admission

Brand: "For Dummies" rip off from Prentice Hall

Edition: 1994 

Condition: Like new

Helpfulness: 9

Price: $7

Comments:

Holy crap this book is ancient and a total rip off of the dummies books, but holier crap, it's actually really helpful! It gives you a checklist for college tours, helps you make your own lists, tells you what to wear on interviews, how to manage your applications, reminds you of recommendation etiquette, essay tips (do's & don'ts), handling financial issues, AND what each college is famous for (in terms of majors), etc. Pretty amazing.

Subject: Calculus

Brand: Barron's

Edition: 7th (2002) 

Condition: Pretty much new

Helpfulness: 8

Price: $12

Comments:

I don't have much to say about this since I've never taken AP Calc and this is my sister's book. It seems pretty good, though. There are plenty of examples and multiple choice questions!

Subject: Calculus

Brand: "For Dummies"

Edition: 2003 

Condition: Like new

Helpfulness: 9

Price: $10

Comments:

Geez, lots of down to earth language! Looks really helpful. This was also my sister's. The vocabulary is plain and talks to the person directly. Isn't as cold as the Barron's book, but then again, doesn't have as many examples as the Barron's book.

I almost forgot to blog about the weird dream I had last night! And also, heads up, I might start blogging about my dreams more often. I heard it's the first step toward lucid dreaming.

So, okay, this is gonna sound really weird but..

In my dream, I was in the middle of an arranged marriage. And it was to a boy 4 years younger than me. My entire family was pressuring me to marry this boy (whom I had never met before in my life). There was a giant wedding planned and both families were really happy about the occasion. My bridesmaids were family members and were so bitchy and ugh I couldn't stand all the stupid marriage stuff going on.

They were dressing me up and telling me what good things this marriage will do for my family and for myself. I can only imagine that I was being married off for the sake of money or to settle some type of feud.

I don't remember ever seeing the boy in my dream. I remember distinctly hearing his grumbling, though. Evidently, him and I weren't exactly a young couple in love. I was sickened by the notion of marrying someone whom I had 1) Never met and 2) Could have been my younger brother since he was young enough.

I imagine the source of this dream to come from my anxieties about becoming older than my latest fictional crush Zuko. I am so pathetic.

Anyway, in a fit of random lucid dreaming, I finally felt in control in my dream and during dinner (that took place at my grandpa's old house) with the two families, I told my bridesmaids that I hated everything about the marriage and stormed off, telling them to tell the families that I refused to take part in the event.

It felt amazing to stand up for myself. Though now I really want to know what the boy looked like. You know, for my own bragging purposes. Who knows? What if he was really cute and I later turned out to be a really hot cougar? Okay..not gonna go there.

But I remember waking up and thinking, it wouldn't be TOO bad. I mean, it would most definitely not be my first choice, but it could've been like that one Benjamin Button movie. It seemed gross at the age I am/was in my dream, but I mean--there are plenty of couples out there separated by 4 or more years.

But yeah. I think the youngest I'd ever go in terms of dating someone (given that I still have standards) is a year younger than me. Anything else is just weird to me after that, just because of maturity issues and such.

ANYWAY. HOPEFULLY SOMEDAY I'LL ACHIEVE LUCID DREAMING AND LOOK BACK AT THIS POST AND LAUGH AT HOW UN-LUCIDLY I USED TO DREAM. <3

The skank you are now looking at is called, "Mai" and she is now Public Enemy #1.

She is an emo Sailor Moon wannabe that thinks she can just prance around like Azula's show pony and wriggle her disgusting little twig body into Zuko's life. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of sorcery she used to get a guy like Zuko. Doesn't she know that losers aren't allowed to date Zuko? Only losers like me can date Zuko. Not losers like, "omg i'm so angsty and everything is boring because i'm emo" Mai.

She has the dumbest bangs in existence and never mind the fact that that was my old haircut a couple months back--I grew them out for a reason. Dumb diarrhea-bag. And she has two buns on her head that look like turds and she would look like a man if her hair were taken away.

I'D RATHER HAVE ZUKO BE WITH JIN FROM BA SING SE OR HELL, MAYBE EVEN SUPPORT ZUTARA. But what is with this stupid Maiko thing going on?! The fact that it's canon makes it all the more disgusting. Were the writers wasted when they wrote this?

Okay, so maybe I'm not too much better considering I've spend the last week (besides frantically searching for scholarships and such) watching Avatar: The Last Airbender and am not the most attractive person on Earth. And maybe unleashing the full, unadulterated fury of my female hormones obsessing over a fictional guy is a little pathetic, but considering I go to an arts school, I have a license to be desperate! I do, I promise!

ZUKO CAN'T BE TAKEN. HE JUST CAN'T.

/FRANTIC SOBBING

I'm too lazy to be, "adequate".

WARNING: I have no idea what I just wrote. This will be another adolescent confusion vomit post.

I find that although I'm pretty comfortable with myself as a person, I can't help but notice the differences in how I think and interact with people/things as I begin processing what, "adequate" or better said, "normal" is for girls my age.

For instance, as a young girl I remembered that there were plenty of girls that wanted to grow up to be either a, "model" or a, "fashion designer". Including me (can you guess which one?). Well here's a spoiler: I wanted to be a fashion designer and spent all my time doodling in the corners of my worksheets of dresses that I'd seen on TV (reeeaall original, I know. Go baby Judy). Obviously, fashion design is no longer my life aspiration. Currently, a career in communications and/or journalism is preferable.

Now, I'd hate for this entry to come off as one of those, "You don't understand...I'm so different from other girls" because that's simply not true. There are girls way cooler and, "different" than me, girls way cooler and more, "normal" than I am, and girls that hold scary resemblances to me. I'm just beginning to question my...I don't even know what I would call it.

I now realize that I'm rambling because I'm not quite sure how to put it, exactly. I've always thought of myself as normal, despite the numerous accusations of being, "weird" that I got from peers. It's probably because I gravitated to people like myself and being surrounded by them, assumed being someone like me was the norm.

But now I'm just not sure. I've never really had a, "normal" school experience after the 3rd grade. It entered a GATE program in 4th grade and was surrounded by fast-talking, wide-eyed kids that wanted to know everything I did and right after that, I was shipped to OCHSA, an art school also filled with fast-talking, wide-eyed students with a hunger for knowledge and a knack for being bizarre. And although I'm immensely grateful for all the opportunities and experiences I've had, I can't help but wonder what I would've been like had I not had them.

And now that I'm beginning to consider college and now that I'm beginning to see acquaintances and friends interact with, "normal" people and such, I realize that maybe I'm not as normal as I think I am. I'm certainly not a special little snowflake, either...but maybe I took being, "normal" for granted.

For one, I'm watching Avatar: The Last Airbender instead of hanging out with friends and taking artsy pictures of myself. But what if that's what I'm supposed to be doing? What if it's a vital part of being a teenage girl of this era? I don't want to miss out on anything (though I'd rather watch Avatar, currently).

I'm not one for conformity, but I'm not an anti-conformist (which seems to be blurring into conformity, nowadays). I don't go out of my way to be either, and I like that about myself but I still question what I'm supposed to be. Or what I'm expected to be. Or whether my expectations of myself should even resemble that of society's.

You know what? I don't even know. And this post can't go any further without me sounding like a pretentious asshole. So..

TIME TO RESUME WATCHING AVATAR.

I'VE MEMORIZED THE AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER OPENING!

It only took me half an hour (30 frustrating whole minutes) to get it down and now, I can type/say it with ease and word-for-word! Currently, I'm working on mastering Katara's vocal fluctuations, and I've almost got it! My voice just isn't as sweet-sounding as hers.

I'm now going to time myself and type it as fast as I can.


Water...Earth...Fire...Air.

Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then...everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master ofall four elements, could stop them. But when the world needed him most...he vanished.

A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, a young Airbender named Aang. And although his airbending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone.

But I believe...Aang can save the world.

EXACTLY 00:01:03. One minute and 3 seconds, guys. And the ellipses were really annoying, so minus those, I'd be under a minute. I'm amazing.

This is probably going to assist me in garnering tons upon tons of cool points at parties (just putting that out there). I just hope college people are cool and won't think I'm immature and stupid or anything (because...I'm totally NOT...you know?).

Though I suppose by now you've all realized that there's a, "reset" button in my brain that is pressed whenever I enter a new fandom that I enjoy (in this case, the Avatar fandom). I go from mostly-composed high school kid to a flaming mass of fangirl rage-love that involves lots of screaming, flailing, and online updating.

You'll get used to it.

It's a shame I've only gotten into the Avatar fandom now. I always assumed it was just a kid's show but IT IS SO NOT A KID'S SHOW. IT'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. I'm glad I gave it a chance. Nickelodeon or not, it's pretty fantastic. Definitely recommended.

Now...back to not doing anything!

Hello there! What a wonderful morning it is. I think today's the earliest I've ever woken up so far this year (I woke up at 7:30-ish, which is half an hour later than I usually get up for school). It's actually pretty nice to see the sun's beams without the actual sun for a few hours before the clouds move out of the way.

And even though yesterday it rained and felt delightfully Christmas-sy, I still missed the sun a little. Too bad I'm not doing anything today! I don't have a ride anywhere and no pertinent plans, so I guess it's another day of Avatar: The Last Airbender! Not that I mind too badly. I'm still surprised at how oddly complex it is for a standard, "children's show".

And yes, I've already started reading fanfiction. DON'T JUDGE ME.

Oh boy, now I have to rant. WOO FIRST RANT ON MY BLOG. Heeere we go!

Fanfiction is a legitimate form of writing, if you ask me. People never give it credit where it is due. They claim that fanfiction writers leech off of legitimate writers and don't do anything with their lives except watch anime or something equally as dorky and don't contribute to society.

WELL GUESS WHAT. I write fanfiction and I'd say I'm perfectly competent in real life. In fact, it was what opened my eyes to other forms of writing and eventually landed me a spot in the Creative Writing conservatory so HA.

It just bothers me when people bash fanfiction and its writers because of the bad examples. Yes, there are tons of terrible eye-burning fanfictions out there. But there are some fantastic pieces out there, too! That's like discrediting all of romance or fantasy teen romance because you didn't agree with Twilight or Stephenie Meyer. There is always gonna be fantastic parts of a genre and not so fantastic parts (I will not label Twilight and its author as either so as not to offend anyone). Why should fanfiction receive the short end of the stick?

If I had an original story and people liked it enough to use my characters for their own plots (so long as they were still my characters and credited to be so (which many good fanfiction authors I know, do)), I'd be ecstatic! It just proves that my fandom (fan-kingdom) and characters that much stronger that it can hold up in almost any plot.

And fanfiction, mind you, isn't always inserting yourself into the story to make out with the main character. The fanfics horror stories of that you often hear of have a bad reputation even within the fanfiction community. We call the characters often utilized "Mary Sues"--or characters that are impossibly (and irritatingly) "perfect".

For example, the, "average" teenage girl with daddy issues who is battling her inner demons while her giant group of friends (that are all guys that are all attractive and attracted TO her) are vying for her broken heart and soul. She is also the daughter of a multi-billionaire (but is modest) and plays the electric cello in her free time. Her favorite subject is Advanced Chemistry (though she'll never tell anyone because she's above that). She has secret powers and talks to actual demons in her spare time but she can't let anyone know or else it'll threaten the relationship between the real world and the demon world of which only she holds the key! She has jet black hair with red streaks (all natural, of course. She's not those kinds of girls that fusses too much over looks). She ends up with her boy of choosing and makes a blindingly beautiful (but still independent) housewife.

WE CALL THOSE BADFICS. Even the fanfiction community despises those kinds of fics. But I guess somewhere along the line, that part of it ended up representing the entirety of the community. It's a shame, really. And a disappointment that people aren't willing to repress their laughter long enough to try and find redeeming qualities in a style of writing.

It's unfair for those who find sanctuary and peace in writing fanfiction. I know it's gotten me through lots of rough patches. Writing good fanfiction is just as difficult as writing an original piece of fiction, if you ask me (in different ways, of course). And I've done both. For one, you still need a good plot that moves at an appropriate pace while maintaining readers' interest. You also need to find a way to make your own unique character arch for your selected characters in a way that differs from the original text.

I personally wasn't hesitant at all to write my first fanfiction. I still remember what it was. It was set in the Edo period of Japan and I had to do a lot of research on Bushido (samurai code of conduct which could also have been a hoax, but that's on another spectrum of the research I did) including small festivals and niceties. And okay, it was pretty bad. But aren't almost all first tries? Of course, I don't remember too much of it now, but the point is that I experienced the same thing months later when I tried to write my first multi-chapter original fiction (which also required lots of research and updating).

I'm not saying that everyone should like fanfiction. Some people have legitimate reasons as to why they dislike parts of it such as not wanting their favorite book to have a different plot made up by a teenager or to prefer the ending of the book of the original author and not wanting to draw out anything more from the work. Or even just respecting the author's license to such a brilliant piece.

I get it. I understand. It is when your laughter out-speaks your argument and your ignorance outshines your curiosity that I become frustrated. I would never want to ridicule someone who is inspired. Why would you want to taint that creative process (as different as it may be from your own in music, painting, theater, etc) with mockery and arrogance? It is when respect is not given where it is due or when doubt isn't momentarily suspended in the wake of a legitimate argument that I become angered.

"Why don't you spend that time and energy on your own ideas," you say? Well, it IS my idea. It's my own plot--it just involves the characters and/or dynamic of another writer that I respect and admire enough to want to be a part of their world. And honestly, what I choose to write is none of your business and if I want to write fanfiction, I shouldn't be ostracized for it. Fanfiction can be a teenage phase that leads into other forms of writing, or a professional career. Or both.

And in my opinion, authors that are adamantly against fanfiction need to weigh the facts and realize that fanfiction is often created out of love and inspiration--not with intentions to tear down the work and make it less valuable than it is (though badfics might unintentionally do so). If you don't want fanfiction, then I'd highly suggest not publishing your book because it's impossible to have a popular book with a large backing not inspire something more in your readers. It should be a compliment.

And for the record, I should mention: that book Fifty Shades of Grey currently selling millions of copies? Fanfiction (okay, bad example. But how many millions of books have you sold today?). C.S Lewis? Fanfiction writer of J.R.R Tolkien (adopted certain elements from J.R.R. Tolkien's largely unpublished legendarium (mostly Númenor, there spelt "Numinor") and incorporated these into the last novel, That Hideous Strength, of his Space Trilogy.) The second part of Don Quixote? Fanfiction. Hamlet and King Lear? Not Shakespeare's characters (aka: Historical Fanfiction)! The Aeneid? ODYSSEY. FANFICTION.

The hostility and presumptuous nature (not to mention the pure nerve) of some people to criticize fanfiction without knowing much about it is absurd and makes me wish I could just announce to everyone that wants to write and/or read fanfiction that it's okay; it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Why should someone with an artistic vision have to bow their head in shame because of the passing comments of their peers? That is oppression. And to me, that is horrifying. I don't want a young girl like me to tell herself to, "just forget about it" so that she doesn't have to ever explain what it is she's writing. I wouldn't want a child whose poem is inspired by her love for a certain character have to be ridiculed for lack of creativity--because it is. It is creative.

Done in the right way, taking characters and/or some aspects of a permanently established work and making it somehow your own while still paying homage to the original writer/work IS creative and damn difficult too, if you ask my personal experience.

So think twice before you laugh at someone for writing/reading fanfiction. Perhaps if you used the time you spent spitting in their faces whilst making a bogus, "holier than thou" argument actually reading their work and drawing conclusions of it as a SINGULAR piece, you'd be more or less secure in your previous argument--both of which are just fine and preferable to blind off-handed comments.

/LARGE GASP OF AIR

I don't understand when people say that their boyfriend/girlfriend and such is their, "better half". That seems a bit overkill on the self-deprecating attitude, no? I mean, I understand that partners are supposed to bring out the best in you (maybe even the worst in you), but they shouldn't really be considered half of you because the implies that when they're gone, you're not a whole person.

And if you really think that way, you need to analyze your dependency on your partner, because that's not healthy. I'm not against relationships at all and I would encourage them if it seems to be right, but the attachment issues I see in my peers upsets me at times.

Your partner shouldn't be half of you. You are all that is quintessential to being you. Why should your entirety and ability to feel like a whole person depend on another person? It's just not right. A partner should enhance you as a whole human being and compliment you. They can be a part of you for a certain amount of time (maybe forever, if it works out that way) but to consider them half of EVERYTHING you are, is crazy.

Your partner does not make you. You make you. And that is something to be proud of. You are both your better half and your worst half. The point of having them both is to balance yourself out. If you can't think of anything you'd consider, "your good half" to such an extent that you have to find it in someone else that doesn't object to being an entire HALF of who you are as a person versus encouraging you to find that pre-existing better half in yourself, I'd be very worried for you and their well-beings.



On another note, I've watched less than two hours worth of Avatar: The Last Airbender and I'm already in love with APPA!!! That flying bison just flew right into my heart and settled its 10 ton furry body right in the center. He is the greatest and I want him in my life. NEVERMIND THAT HE HAS AN EXTRA SET OF LEGS THAT INITIALLY CREEPED ME OUT. The point is that he is adorable as shit and I love him.

And while we're on the topic of wanting things, I'll take Zuko as well.

Lately I've been having dreams that aren't pleasant but aren't nightmares. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. Things just go wrong and chaos ensues (in my brain, anyway). It's nothing I couldn't handle in real life, but being in a dream and feeling that lack of control of events in a dream makes it even more difficult to endure since I have a control complex where I feel the need to control everything at all times.

For example, a few nights ago I dreamt that I had to attend a party, a wedding, and plan the reception for aforementioned wedding (crazy, right? But I love planning so that's okay). It was the night before the day where I had to do all those things and right as I pick up my retainers (I wear retainers at night), I notice they are misshapen and I can no longer put them in my mouth because they no longer fit.

Now this would just confuse people, but little things like that (especially in my dreams, I guess) freak me the shit out. Especially when the next day was a big day! I forget it and sleep (sleepception) in my dream only to wake up late and miss the party. Throughout the day my appearance gets progressively more haphazard and gross-looking and no matter how hard I try to fix things with myself while other people are asking me about the wedding reception, I can't get it together long enough to achieve anything at all.

Last night I dreamt that I had my first class of my senior year in high school and in my very first block, I was surrounded by people I had never met before in my life (mind you, I've been at this school for the past 5 years and know a lot of people). I felt uncomfortable and didn't know where to sit and when we watched a movie in class, I was accused of blocking peoples' view (I was sitting front and center, obviously) and had things thrown at the back of my head. After I left for my next class, I became lost and ended up being 5 minutes late.

I should also mention that these are distorted versions of past events in my life pieced together, oddly enough. I've had to plan many things, I've woken up late for a few events before, I've been bullied, and I've been new at a school and got lost at that school. I just hate that my mind had to mash all those things together in a sequence of dreams that I can't quite make sense of.

Maybe it's my mind trying to help me get over the fact that I expect everything to be my way or the high way all the time. Or making me relive past experiences in a horror mash-up so that I can learn to deal with it in a safe and enclosed not-real-life situation so I can sort out my actions and thoughts on such events. Maybe it was to come to terms with those events and a way of trying to give myself another chance to react differently in a dream world. Who knows?

Well I certainly don't, which is why I'm going to forget about this, make myself a cup of hot chocolate, and watch some more Avatar.

So this has been bothering me for a while now: that new JB song always finds its way into my head. Well, only the, "I'D LIKE TO BE ANYTHING YOU WANT" over and over (that's all I know of it). So I decided to look up this madness and began noticing the confusing joyride that is, "Boyfriend". And now here is the resulting roundabout rant/confusion vomit.

Let me preface this by saying I have no personal vendetta against JBiebs. He's prettier than I'll ever be, and I've (begrudgingly) come to accept that. I'm sure he's a good guy. But damn, his lyrics (or his songwriter's lyrics) need a LOT of work.

For starters, it's: if I WERE your boyfriend. "Was" implies it actually happened in the past. Since this is him basically trying to sell himself to the female (possibly male?) population, it should be in a tense that indicates uncertainty (conditional), which would be, "were". I don't even care that this is pop music. The point is that young kids listen to this and recite the lyrics over and over again like Puritanical gnomes reciting Bible verses.

Early on he says, "I don't know about me, but I know about you. So say hello to falsetto in three, two". Which makes me wonder what kind of girls he's into. Is he implying that he has prior knowledge of the girl he is singing to and that she specifically enjoys his voice in falsetto? I mean, I'm not against falsetto voices (if done correctly), but I wouldn't want someone to claim they know me because of that one fact.

What does, "swag, swag, on you" mean? Is swag now a verb? Could someone notify me as to what it means?

And if he can be ANYTHING I want, would he be a unicorn? A stripper (Do I hear a Magic Justin? No? Okay I didn't.)? Making a promise like that is dangerous, I tell you. What if I asked to sell him into the underground sex industry in Cambodia? Would he do that? Do I even want to know? The answer to both is probably not.

Swaggie. I have nothing to say to that.

I just had a thought. I was going to wait until tomorrow to post so it appeared as though I had some semblance of a life but TO HELL WITH THAT. THIS IS MY BLOG, DAMNIT. MINE.

So anyway. It's about Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm only on Episode 3 and I've seen pictures of Zuko with his hair down. But if he looks virtually bald with the top part of a paintbrush on his head when his hair is tied up, how is this look achieved, exactly?

Does it just naturally fall into place so perfectly? I realize this is a cartoon, but still! I must know how this occurs. Because It would be amazing to switch from baldness to burning locks of sexy.

Do you think I could achieve this look? It would be so convenient for the changing of the seasons. I could be bald during the warmer months and when it gets colder...BAM suddenly I'm hot and boys will want to cuddle with me.

YES? YES? YES?

YES?

Yes?

Hello, it's me again. Well...I suppose that's quite obvious unless I've been hacked and even if I were to be hacked, I don't think someone would post on my blog beginning with, "Hello, it's me again." Sweet Jesus.

Anyway, the word on the street is that blogging is basically venting done online on a page dedicated to yourself so no one can scream at you via social network for being pretentious, annoying, or both. I'll definitely be ranting in the future but it'll mostly be me trying to make sense of what's left of my childhood for all to laugh at.

I guess I'll begin with something that's been on my mind for a while: why are they called, "reverse harems" when there is one girl with many male suitors? I don't understand. Isn't it still a harem? It's still one person with many suitors, the main person just happens to be of a different gender.

If anything, a reverse harem would be one person with many people that hate them. And we already have a name for that kind of situation. We call it high school. (badum tccchh).

I'm currently watching the first episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm quite enjoying it, actually. I guess it's because it's part of good old fashioned Nickelodeon versus the crap that's on cable television nowadays. Zuko's a douche but I gotta admit the guy looks pretty attractive without the awkward paintbrush on the top of his head.

I'm not making any sense, am I? I don't think I'm doing this right.

Awkward beginnings are always awkward and make me a bit uncomfortable so I'll just let my blog title speak for itself. Feel free to join me as I create an exciting world for myself to escape the dull life I currently live! I love living vicariously through things.