Lately I've been having dreams that aren't pleasant but aren't nightmares. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. Things just go wrong and chaos ensues (in my brain, anyway). It's nothing I couldn't handle in real life, but being in a dream and feeling that lack of control of events in a dream makes it even more difficult to endure since I have a control complex where I feel the need to control everything at all times.

For example, a few nights ago I dreamt that I had to attend a party, a wedding, and plan the reception for aforementioned wedding (crazy, right? But I love planning so that's okay). It was the night before the day where I had to do all those things and right as I pick up my retainers (I wear retainers at night), I notice they are misshapen and I can no longer put them in my mouth because they no longer fit.

Now this would just confuse people, but little things like that (especially in my dreams, I guess) freak me the shit out. Especially when the next day was a big day! I forget it and sleep (sleepception) in my dream only to wake up late and miss the party. Throughout the day my appearance gets progressively more haphazard and gross-looking and no matter how hard I try to fix things with myself while other people are asking me about the wedding reception, I can't get it together long enough to achieve anything at all.

Last night I dreamt that I had my first class of my senior year in high school and in my very first block, I was surrounded by people I had never met before in my life (mind you, I've been at this school for the past 5 years and know a lot of people). I felt uncomfortable and didn't know where to sit and when we watched a movie in class, I was accused of blocking peoples' view (I was sitting front and center, obviously) and had things thrown at the back of my head. After I left for my next class, I became lost and ended up being 5 minutes late.

I should also mention that these are distorted versions of past events in my life pieced together, oddly enough. I've had to plan many things, I've woken up late for a few events before, I've been bullied, and I've been new at a school and got lost at that school. I just hate that my mind had to mash all those things together in a sequence of dreams that I can't quite make sense of.

Maybe it's my mind trying to help me get over the fact that I expect everything to be my way or the high way all the time. Or making me relive past experiences in a horror mash-up so that I can learn to deal with it in a safe and enclosed not-real-life situation so I can sort out my actions and thoughts on such events. Maybe it was to come to terms with those events and a way of trying to give myself another chance to react differently in a dream world. Who knows?

Well I certainly don't, which is why I'm going to forget about this, make myself a cup of hot chocolate, and watch some more Avatar.