I'm too lazy to be, "adequate".

WARNING: I have no idea what I just wrote. This will be another adolescent confusion vomit post.

I find that although I'm pretty comfortable with myself as a person, I can't help but notice the differences in how I think and interact with people/things as I begin processing what, "adequate" or better said, "normal" is for girls my age.

For instance, as a young girl I remembered that there were plenty of girls that wanted to grow up to be either a, "model" or a, "fashion designer". Including me (can you guess which one?). Well here's a spoiler: I wanted to be a fashion designer and spent all my time doodling in the corners of my worksheets of dresses that I'd seen on TV (reeeaall original, I know. Go baby Judy). Obviously, fashion design is no longer my life aspiration. Currently, a career in communications and/or journalism is preferable.

Now, I'd hate for this entry to come off as one of those, "You don't understand...I'm so different from other girls" because that's simply not true. There are girls way cooler and, "different" than me, girls way cooler and more, "normal" than I am, and girls that hold scary resemblances to me. I'm just beginning to question my...I don't even know what I would call it.

I now realize that I'm rambling because I'm not quite sure how to put it, exactly. I've always thought of myself as normal, despite the numerous accusations of being, "weird" that I got from peers. It's probably because I gravitated to people like myself and being surrounded by them, assumed being someone like me was the norm.

But now I'm just not sure. I've never really had a, "normal" school experience after the 3rd grade. It entered a GATE program in 4th grade and was surrounded by fast-talking, wide-eyed kids that wanted to know everything I did and right after that, I was shipped to OCHSA, an art school also filled with fast-talking, wide-eyed students with a hunger for knowledge and a knack for being bizarre. And although I'm immensely grateful for all the opportunities and experiences I've had, I can't help but wonder what I would've been like had I not had them.

And now that I'm beginning to consider college and now that I'm beginning to see acquaintances and friends interact with, "normal" people and such, I realize that maybe I'm not as normal as I think I am. I'm certainly not a special little snowflake, either...but maybe I took being, "normal" for granted.

For one, I'm watching Avatar: The Last Airbender instead of hanging out with friends and taking artsy pictures of myself. But what if that's what I'm supposed to be doing? What if it's a vital part of being a teenage girl of this era? I don't want to miss out on anything (though I'd rather watch Avatar, currently).

I'm not one for conformity, but I'm not an anti-conformist (which seems to be blurring into conformity, nowadays). I don't go out of my way to be either, and I like that about myself but I still question what I'm supposed to be. Or what I'm expected to be. Or whether my expectations of myself should even resemble that of society's.

You know what? I don't even know. And this post can't go any further without me sounding like a pretentious asshole. So..

TIME TO RESUME WATCHING AVATAR.